Singleness: My Personal Campaign

Every person has a reason for being on this earth. I’d like to think I have a few, and here’s one in particular.

After a conversation with Bethany about the issue I touched on in my last post — the disappearance and fragmentation of friendships that happens all too frequently after some friends get married and others stay single — I decided that one of the reasons I was put on this earth was to campaign for “single’s rights.”

I’m not sure if this means that I’ll be marching around shouting “Think of the singles!” (Rather than the rallying cry of “Think of the children!”) and carrying signs that say “Singles are people, too!” and “We were all single once!” but perhaps I will.

OK so it's not exactly the suffragette movement, but we all have our battles to fight.

Goals include:

1. Raise “awareness” of the problem

2. Not being treated like second-class citizens simply because we have not snagged a spouse or engaged in reproduction

3. (Related to #2) Not being treated with automatic pity because of said situation

4. The rights and the opportunities to participate in community and be just as engaged in peoples’ lives as couples are (This means a two-way street where singles and marrieds must reach out to each other and put forth some amount of effort to stay in touch and make time for each other)

5. Breaking assumptions and stereotypes of being single. These vary widely and may include: being desperate for a man/woman, being single because he/she is not trying hard enough, living in a mad and crazy whirl of casual relationships and nightly parties because there’s no spouse/kids to go home to, or having no life because he/she is just sitting around waiting for that special someone

6. Changing attitudes to recognize that singles can also be valued, contributing members of society, whether we stay single or not

Now, as to achieving these goals, I don’t know. Please share ideas; that’s what the comments section is for. But if F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote about it 86 years ago, and we’re still dealing with it today, then it must be a wider-reaching problem than acknowledged.

Will anyone help out? WHO’S WITH ME?

SINGLES OF THE WORLD, UNITE. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE BUT YOUR CHAINS OF SOUL-CRUSHING LONELINESS AND DESPERATION EVERYONE ASSUMES YOU CARRY.

8 thoughts on “Singleness: My Personal Campaign

  1. It’s actually funny you write this now, because one of my biggest fears about getting married is that I’ll lose friends/won’t be able to make new friends. I’m afraid people won’t invite me places or call me to hang out because they think I’ve become a boring old married person, or maybe even because they’ll think I have no interest in socializing anymore. But hey, I still want to go on spontaneous road trips and get invited to wine tastings (even though I technically don’t like wine) and watch movies and shop. So you definitely don’t have to worry about me hurting/being blind to your cause. I don’t think single girls are a pitiful specimen to behold – I think girls who like their life just the way it is are awesome! In fact, I want to hang out with those girls. That being said, WE should hang out more!

    • Yay! We should hang out again soon (we missed you last night). And I will make sure we still hang out after you get married!

      (Also, the “yay” was not in response to your fears—I’m sorry about those, and I hope it doesn’t happen—but in response to your support of my campaign. :-D )

  2. YEAH! I am so there with you! Unfortunately I don’t have any good ideas about how to spread our message, but I’m waving my banner of support!

  3. I’ll join the crusade! :D

    I’m still trying to figure out ways to spread the word, but for right now I’m living an “out and proud” life as a single.

  4. I’ve thought this bias against singles is super strange. The truth is that the majority of adults are single. This could be because “adult” is classified as anyone over the age of 18, so that there is a non-linear relationship between age and singleness. However, I have found that there are some places more and less single friendly, and many restaurants and other places (like churches) seem to bias towards couples and families. It is unfortunate that some who get married turn from their single friends. However, it has been my experience that it’s mostly people with kids who end up being distracted from having as many deep friendships because they seem to be spending a lot of time on child rearing and child-related activities. This is normal, but is really part of a season of life. My friendships grow and fade often in response to what’s going on in their life or my life, but often when a particular season passes and the friendship is not cut off, the friendship is still there. Eventually, my friends’ kids will graduate and go on to college and their own lives and we can resume the friendship more deeply when they have more time. Other friendships may never be resumed. But on the other side, we will have lots of time to renew the friendships and find out all the things that happened after the friendship fades away. That’s going to be fun!

    • Those are all really good points, and I totally agree that if the friendship is strong enough, it can survive a lot of life’s changes. It may change, but not necessarily end.

      Something to keep in mind, though, is that most introverts (like me) tend to have fewer, but deep, friendships. This makes it a greater loss when it fades away or breaks off, even if it’s just for a little while, and it takes more time and effort to “replace.”

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