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106 thoughts on “When An INTJ Is Not An INTJ”
I couldn’t find where I read it, but I read that 62% of INTJs (surveyed) believe in a higher power (perhaps with varying degrees of doubt). I can’t help but wonder if the atheist thing is partially related to being in the grip of inferior Se, which deals with concrete physical reality. No wonder so many are obsessed with measuring, analyzing and understanding the physical world and shun anything that is not a part of it.
I think that female INTJs are more likely to develop and value their feeling side because of social pressures. I think valuing other people and feelings is part of being a balanced person. That said, I also think it is important to be honest and I have a hard time with being fake. I think faking cheerfulness is A. obvious and B. contributes to the stigmatization of depression. I think people need to learn how to handle the truth, not everything is rainbows and cupcakes.
Being appreciated is very important to me. I also do not mind physical touch when I am comfortable with a person and am even guilty of enjoying cuddling. I can get over it when a person I don’t know well invades my personal bubble, I realize that they are just more touchy-feely than I am.
I am pretty obsessed with animals as well. I get more hurt when a dog doesn’t like me than when a person doesn’t (although I can’t help but think dogs have better judgements of character).
Thank you for commenting! I felt so dumb when I read “I think that female INTJs are more likely to develop and value their feeling side because of social pressures.” I’m sure that’s part of it, and it has occurred to me before, but for some reason it wasn’t in my mind when I was writing this post. I may have to go into it more in a future post. I was just thinking about how it seems that women are expected to smile and be polite even when upset or offended about something.
I agree that faking cheerfulness can be pointless (because it’s obvious) or even harmful (the stigmatization you mentioned). I also think, however, that there are times and places for sucking it up and putting on a brave face, if only for a little while. That shouldn’t mean avoiding the truth, though. Maybe that’s just my fake-Britishness coming through.
I don’t mind my personal bubble being physically invaded either, when it’s innocent (and that is usually evident), like a sloppy kiss on the cheek from a grandmother or something. When people invade my personal space figuratively, by asking inappropriate questions, it bothers me more.
The social pressure on INTJ girls and women is very strong in our culture! I think a lot of us logicked it out early on when we realized that there were severe consequences for not seeming “nurturing” or “caring” enough (barf).
But it’s tricky when we internalize those rules, right?
What questions would you consider too personal and inappropriate?
INTJ, Jesus-loving female
Well, there was the old lady who flat-out asked me AT MY AUNT’S FUNERAL if I was pregnant (I was not, and never have been, pregnant).
Ohh awkward. Maybe we can give her a pass because she was an old lady? Was she compos mentis in your opinion or senile?
Have you ever been typed as INFJ even as INTP, or are you consistently typed as INTJ? (I tend to retake these tests when my self-esteem is shaken). There is a lady I have recently befriended at church and we are eerily alike in our personal experiences and our responses to them but she has been typed as INFJ.
I find it fascinating that while INTJs are associated with being scientists, several of the ladies on this site, including myself, feel a strong connection with the humanities, e.g., history and languages.
Meredith, I believe you read that here: http://oddlydevelopedtypes.com/
A very nice detailed look at both the INTP anf the INTJ, in a different way than usual. I recommend the E-books!
I relate to every word. Thank you!
This is a great article! I think the fact that you can dissect, without bias, how you are different than the normal INTJ description (whether from upbringing, experience or growth in character) shows your INTJ-ness. ;)
As a fellow INTJ female, I agree! I also fit a very high percentage of the typical INTJ descriptions, but, as with any individual, there are some variances:
– I am also a Christian, which is “weird”, typically, for an INTJ, but as you explained, once we INTJ are convinced (by knowledge or experience) that something is true, that IS rational. I also am not good at evangelism, due to the inability to express something so fully-known in my head and soul.
– I also love animals! :) My husband tells others that I am part Sheldon Cooper & part Disney princess: the Sheldon Cooper part is evident in most of my INTJ personality (e.g., logic, order, efficiency is king, missing social graces at times, holding others to the same protocol or standards, etc.), and the Disney princess part is evident in my love of musicals, singing, dancing around, and yes, talking to animals and wanting them to be my friends. LOL! I grew up with a musical and theatre education, thus the musical interest.
– I also think I am good (okay, good for an INTJ) about giving others praise and affirmation. I think that because “words of affirmation” is one of my top Love Languages (through wanting it in my upbringing as a middle child), I also naturally want to GIVE it, when it is due, as well. I think an INJT’s intellect can lend itself toward doing this well, as we easily identify what went well or “worked” in situations (and what didn’t), so the “data”, if you will, is there. Typically, we don’t think of others’ feelings, so making others “feel good” probably isn’t a good motivator in getting us to affirm others. For me, I make a conscious decision to share this good “data” because I appreciate it for its own sake: it was a solid idea or solution that was efficient/worked, etc., and I love that! Plus, I see that people usually function or respond better when I share this feedback, so my INTJ brain sees it as making people (i.e., something we can’t control) more efficient. Haha!
-One last difference is in the area of perfectionism: I definitely have the INTJ natural tendency towards perfectionism (bordering on OCD if I let it!), but through my faith and character growth, I have learned more about grace and have had to train myself to let things go. It’s not easy at times, but I have made big strides. It’s now pretty common for me to not let some mistake bother me for long at all, having a better foundation of grace in my life… and, my INTJ logical side says obsessing over it won’t do anything except make now worse! :)
Sorry this was so long; it was great to think through responses for the questions you posed!
OoooOOOoohh, an INTJ middle child–that is FASCINATING. (I’m an only.) I can’t wait to talk more about this when we meet in person and have tea. ;-)
When you said “part Sheldon Cooper” my first thought was the BBT episode where he gets all the cats. I don’t watch the show anymore, but that’s one of my favorite eps.
Don’t apologize about the length: I love your comments. I wish I could respond to everything you said because so much of it rings true. You reminded me of a few things that I think I will elaborate on in a future blog post–like the part about using “good data” in our interactions with others to make them “more efficient.” I guess that sounds manipulative when you put it that way, but hey, if it works, why not? (Now I’m feeling like Sherlock…I wonder why? Hee hee.)
Haha! I love Sherlock, and yes, he definitely manipulates people, doesn’t he? :) I have watched the series with my husband, and sometimes he laughed and said, “I can totally hear you saying that!”
Yes, using “data” we gather to work things (okay, or people) out how we see they have the potential to be, probably sounds manipulative to some people. We honestly are just trying to fix situations, to make them be efficient or work better. And if we are trying to be manipulative, maybe that is where the “Mastermind” title for INTJs comes from. :)
I found myself doing this the other day: I was arranging a group of people to pick me up for us to leave for Chicago O’Hare at a certain time. I had planned out all the details weeks before (of course), and had decided on a very early departure time, which I knew would not work well for my friends who: 1) aren’t early risers, and, 2) don’t care about promptness as much as I do. I knew this about them and wanted to acknowledge the effort I knew they would expend to conform to my “master(mind)plan”, so in my communication with them, I said this in my text: “So, for tomorrow, we need to LEAVE my place no later than 6:30am, just in case of traffic at that hour. If you get to my place by 6:15am, we can go through Starbucks… and it’s my treat!”
I truly wasn’t trying to manipulate, but saw it as an incentive… though, they did call it blatant manipulation later. LOL! But, hey, it worked! ;)
I’m sorry…are you me?
I’m laughing so much over the departure time issue because that entire paragraph sounds REALLY familiar.
Hey Em – great blog post. I also am a female INTJ, which roughly translated in the UK means to other people that you are a hard-faced old trout who hates people (and to be fair, I do propagate this image with specific people, just for fun!). I don’t have a strong faith myself but do have a real respect for people who do and admire them the courage to talk openly about it in this intolerant age. However, I am also a big animal fan – I think I learned as a child that animals have no hidden agenda or side to them, and if they like you, they like you and there is no need to question this. I would say that in general, I prefer animals to people, but that is just reinforcing the INTJ generalisation so maybe I shouldn’t after all…
My first reaction to my MBTI test results was, “This can’t be me.” But I’ve taken various online MBTI tests since then and always end up INTJ. My current theory is that female INTJs or INTJs who are into the arts or humanities–I am both–will tend to be “fuzzier” than the average INTJ. Like you, I’m a Christian, although I’ve changed some of my beliefs on minor doctrines (eschatology, ecclesiology) in the last few years. Funny thing–my mother, an ISFJ Baptist, thinks that some of the beliefs I now hold are too “magical” to be rational. I think they make sense, but my way of determining “rationality” is probably different from even most other INTJs.
I don’t generally initiate hugs except with a few close family members, with whom I don’t mind being more physical. I do try to encourage other people–sort of–but usually I find myself trying to make accurate statements about what they actually did well, or thinking “I’ll speak metaphorically here because it is socially expected/this person is in need of affirmation. What I really mean is, I’m going to help you by saying something that sounds nice.” I think I usually try to act like an ISFJ until I’m comfortable with people or we start discussing something serious. Probably I fail. In general, my social skills stink, but I don’t usually offend people. (Neither do any of the other INTJs I know, to be quite honest.)
Pets are cute. Sometimes. And I’ll admit to kind of loving my brother’s dog. But it’s unsanitary (likes, erm, dessert after being sent outside) and leaves hair all over the house. I’m a big believer in sanitation, which makes being a pet lover a little hard. And I don’t go for pet pictures. But, like you, I don’t really enjoy chess, and for the same reason.
I think I have a more developed Fi than most INTJs. Which probably contributes to how over-dramatic some of my high school journal entries were. But I’m glad I don’t fit the stereotypes–I have enough trouble passing as normal already.
I’m so relieved that I’m not the only INTJ on the planet who is firm in Christianity. (It would be really odd if I wasn’t because my name literally means ‘obedient to Christ’… but I have opinions of that that would take longer than I am willing to type)
And your ‘learned behaviors’ analysis was perfect. It’s kind of against the grain to have an INTJ peacemaker, but I always find myself being a mediator. Probably because I just want to make sure everyone’s argument is efficient… and coupled with previous experiences in my life the learned behaviors supposition that you made really connects.
Fennic/Desert Foxes, makes me ‘girl out’ everytime. (Is it just their disproportionately large ears?) Kittens are adorable, dogs are endearing, and small owls just trigger this outlandish swelling of “OMG SO CUTE! ”
I’m crap at chess. Play cards with me, though. I enjoy employing my mastermind powers to show my superiority by ruthlessly dominating the game.
I really enjoy your blog. I found it a few hours ago and I think your fantastically funny and very intelligent. In other words, I’ve been grinning/snorting/chuckling (I don’t giggle…much) through your blog while having family give me glancingly weird looks. (But they’re used to it by now. At least I should hope.)
Oh man, that is so great. Thank you, thank you, and welcome!
I too found it interesting that INTJ’s are least likely to believe in a higher power, especially considering you are the third person I’ve found along with me and my good friend.
I definitely agree with you about the people pleasing bit and there’s another thing which you didn’t talk about but definitely applies to me. Apparently INTJ’s are really into studying and grades which totally does not apply to me. I love learning and occasionally if I’m interesting in the class I’ll thoroughly enjoy it (history and political science, anyone?) but grades don’t bother me. I think it might be the fact that if I know if I tried I could get good grades, but it doesn’t seem worth the effort.
One thing I particularly do relate to though is the INTJ tendency for sarcasm. Also it really throws me off when people actually find my jokes funny.
My blood sugar is perilously low right now so I’m going to put some food in my mouth.
I haven’t read much about how INTJs supposedly approach studying and grades, so I didn’t think to mention it. But how you describe yourself sounds a lot like me, too. If I’m interested in a subject, I will study it thoroughly under my own motivation, but if I’m not interested (or I dislike the teacher/professor), you pretty much have to put a gun to my head to make me put forth effort. I actually hate formal education, and I get almost nothing out of the traditional classroom setting, but I never knew if that was related to my M-B type or not. Over the course of my education, I cared about actual number/letter grades less and less, too, mostly because I was just sick of being in school.
And yeah, I can be very sarcastic/dry. And once on a date a guy said he found it difficult to read my facial expressions. Those are very INTJ things!
Thanks for commenting! Hope you got a good snack.
I doubt this is still active but I love seeing more intj Christians especially women. I have to agree with the points you two make in your faith and how that correlates differently than other intj types along with our eventual lost of interest in the traditional school system. Including our learned behaviors of how we must learn how to deal with more emotional less intuitive people. I believe that the reasoning for many intj people to doubt God/Jesus is because not many churches or Christianity people want to mention this third dimension of spirituality of God sacrificing his blood for our sins AND the power of the Holy Ghost in Gods children.
I was just reading some more of these responses. After having put in some input that was so kindly responded by Josh and came across the interest in History and Political Sciences. And I am absolutely right there with you. Eesspically the Politics. I absolutely love them. You guys also commented on schooling, I am an average student. I not particularly strong in math or science . Acually I am rather weak in them. English wise, I stuggle with grammar but I have a wide vocab and tend to use it well. So all in all I am an average A or B student with the occasional C student. I put forth a decent amount of effort. I have strong suits like History and I am getting pretty good at psychology and or sociology despite not having those classes yet . Because I’m merely a Freshman.Thats why I haven’t taken courses over those subjects.But where I a really have my success is applicable stuff not like mechanics I’m not an INSJ.But stuff like politics and life oriented stuff I am pretty good at.Im also decent in ” Philosophy ” and I don’t really mean Philosophy in a historical context but more “commen stuff” like the way I view respect for example. I see respect as valuing ones opinion not “doing what someone says” and I don’t believe respect should be given due to any sort of position of authority or otherwise.And I could continue to rant, but you get the point.In general I’m often complemented on my unique perspectives. So my intelligence isn’t test or book based but off of opinion. Therefore it’s hard to prove my intelligence.
What an awesome blog!! Just what I needed tonight after my fiancee and I got into a heated discussion on spiritual matters!
My fiancee is an INTJ Christian whom I love dearly. I am an ENFP…so we have different ways of going about evangelism. Essentially, only if someone asks a faith/spiritual/church-related question, he will share his faith (he’s very participatory in Bible studies!), as he says that he does not want to force God on anyone – God must be a personal choice. His evangelistic style sort of seems to match 1 Peter 3:15 – “Always be prepared to give an answer to anyone who asks you to give a reason for the hope that you have.” 1 Peter 3:15.
Meanwhile, I am an ENFP, so we are so different when it comes to the “how-to” of evangelism. I know that we all have different giftings – I believe he is a very discerning man, and that is a gift I have greatly appreciated in him. He thinks critically about things and does not simply believe what is being spoken, no matter who is saying it. He will always test what is spoken with what is in the Scriptures.
My question to you INTJS: what would you say are your strongest spiritual gifts?
It depends on what you mean by “spiritual gifts.” Any talent, interest, or aptitude, which are unique to each individual, can be used by God, whether it’s in public speaking, knitting, writing, prophecy, baking, or quantum mechanics.
The Bible does name specific “spiritual gifts,” like teaching or giving or prophecy, but I don’t think those lists are exhaustive or mandatory. I think it limits God and people to believe that every Christian has to have one of those specific gifts. Even if they do, the gifts can take so many different forms that it’s difficult to label them.
I’m good at communicating in writing and breaking down ideas. Does this mean I have the “spiritual gift” of teaching? Maybe, but what difference does it make whether I call it that? I believe you should just find out what you’re good at and what you enjoy, and do it to the best of your ability for God’s glory.
I also believe that God can give and take away these gifts as He chooses, either permanently or temporarily, so that they may change over the courses of our lives. Which means that, aside from finding out what we’re good at now, we should also be open to what God might have us do in the future.
Prophecy in the sense of speaking God’s Word. Not really appreciated in a church setting. Frustrating to say the least.
Did a search for “Christian INTJ” and found this! I have a lot of similarities to you here as far as being an INTJ with a few differences. (though, while i find animals cute I am pretty immune to the warm fuzzy oohs and ahhs.) I like to think that my faith in Jesus softens some of the rough edges of INTJness!
Great post! I have also recently discovered that I am an INJT. We did the test in a class at work and I have been researching personality types for about a week now. Everyone agreed with mine- I am an analyst in my department who is constantly working on simplifying work processes for people and implementing new systems.
I also read that my type is the least likely to believe in a higher power. I guess I can understand that because we are so logical, but I too am a Christian. I did not grow up this way, but in my early adulthood I couldn’t help but notice certain people who were living out their faith in such a positive way that it drew me in. Between that and my many self evaluations, and as strange as it seemed, I decided to “try” faith like those other people. Well, I was changed (going from suicidal to feeling complete) and had a certain peace that I just couldn’t deny. I also suck at evangelism :). All I know is what happened to me, but I do understand many atheist arguments. I’m just looking at things through different lenses than they do, I guess. Because of my lack of biblical understanding I started out in a very legalistic, controlling church at first and that’s when my INJTness helped me realize what was going on! The more I studied the bible and prayed, the more uncomfortable I felt and the more I questioned leadership about their inconsistencies. I am now very happy at a church will well informed, educated pastors and leaders.
I also am a people pleaser, but I recognize that this was brought on by my childhood and being raised by a very domineering mother with mental and personality disorders (also addiction issues). If I challenged her logic I was quickly and forcefully shut down. I had no validation- I wasn’t old enough to understand that being illogical was normal for people with these issues. It really hurt my self esteem and caused me to take on a lot of co dependent characteristics, not wanting to “rock the boat”. It was so hard because I knew something was wrong but she had authority over me so I couldn’t do anything about it. I was so miserable, as soon as I was 18 I moved out, sleeping in my car and staying with friends if need be. As I learn more about INTJ’s I can see why I was so miserable there.
Eeek! Like Nicole, I just googled ‘Christian INTJ’ and voila! I am so encouraged to find fellow INTJs in the faith.
Every time I get into a quarrel or someone points out something wierd I get to analyzing myself and end up googling random questions hoping I’m not the the only nut out there.
I do personality tests multiple times a year because I think I couldn’t possibly be an INTJ .. but everytime the result is the same.
I had a strong Christian upbringing, and I am grateful that over the years, my relationship with God has only grown stronger.
I am a reforming people pleaser.. I tend towards acting the mediator more often than not!
My sister thinks I have sanguine characteristics, which I dont agree with! I think I just adapt to the situation.. maybe I’m an ambivert.. but not extroverted.
I love dogs. And cute cats.
Another thing, I’m a hugger. But it depends. My family has never been overly affectionate but I do like physical contact, though not all the time. especially when I’m in deep thought, dont touch me.
I recently did an attachment style test and turns out I am fearful avoidant which I’m working through. That doesnt seem typical to th INTJ and yet…
Perhaps being Christian alters the general personality of the INTJ. I’ve seen a lot of articles on spirit-led personalities especially on the four-personality type theory. perhaps that explains why we might be different? just a thought.
Thank you for writing ..
This is the BEST article I have read about INTJ’s! I took the Myers Briggs test many times in various ways, and was always told I was 100% INTJ.. But reading through descriptions of myself made me feel like I was expected to be a cold, unfeeling robot that only thought of people as interesting play things to understand and then throw away! Then I stumbled across Em Speaks and my life was changed :) I am not crazy! I am an INTJ and I CARE about people! … And I also enjoy pictures of fuzzy animals. ;)
Welcome to the fold, sister. ;-)
Quick note on people-pleasing… As an INTJ, when I invite someone over for dinner, they can expect to enjoy the best food, drinks, games, and activities I can offer – within reason – because I’ve done my research. I’m not going to waste my time on anything substandard, and I don’t want you to either. Maybe we won’t have any common ground… but my company won’t go away hungry, thirsty, or bored.
Another Christian female (middle child) INTJ here. I’m also thoroughly fascinated with personality types. I’ve been spending this afternoon trying to decide, for the first time, if I might really be an INFJ. Last time I took a Myers Briggs test, I got INFJ (which is what my dad is, and I know my dad is a lot mushier than me ;)). But I just can’t get around how much I feel things and how good I am, and actually enjoy, expressing my emotions. I’m a good communicator and I really do care about people’s feelings, although it brings me a great deal of pain to go there (because people don’t make sense)! I think the job I’ve had the last two years has drawn the feelings and empathy out of me, but with much discomfort. I think it’s a real part of me, but extraverted thinking is definitely me. I have another INTJ friend who’s so cold and calculating and I know we’re so very different. I recently got my heart broken by a guy I think was an ENTP, so it was supposed to be an “ideal” match and I thought, maybe it would’ve been ideal if I were more turned off to emotions like INTJs are supposed to be. I love hugs but not from people I don’t like, and … I could care less about animals. haha!
I love, love, LOVE this post! And all the comments from fellow female INTJs are really encouraging, too.
I’m technically the middle child, but my oldest brother is 9 years older, so for all intensive purposes, I’m the eldest, which just further emphasizes so many of the INTJ traits (logic, order, perfectionism, etc). I’m a female engineer. :)
But Meredith, I completely agree that being a female INTJ allows us to develop more of the emotional/feeling side, and Kendra, I wholeheartedly relate to your comment: “I am part Sheldon Cooper & part Disney princess!”
I am also a Christian, and I actually stumbled across this post because I was looking for articles about how the INTJ personality morphs when the Holy Spirit refines us – more affectionate? Gentler? More merciful and gracious? Thoughts?
Also, C.S. Lewis (INTJ!) = <3
Welcome, and thank you!
I actually had a conversation last night with a fellow Christian female friend who is a T (but not an INTJ) and we realized how we’ve both grown in gentleness and affection and empathy, which was largely attributed to the work of the Holy Spirit. I don’t think we got much more insightful than that, but it definitely happens.
Except for the religion part, this describes me (a fellow INTJ) 100%. I’ve struggled with being a people pleaser, especially in relationships during high school and college. I’ve struggled to use my own voice, the exception being when I get mad and diplomacy goes out the window. In relationships, an intellectual connection is just as important as feeling loved (ESPECIALLY with random acts of physical affection). I suck at chess but don’t care. I like animals. I have an affinity for art and literature (sometimes – there’s a lot of shit out there). And despite being very non-religious, I still see myself as being somewhat spiritual. We’re all pilgrims on our path, right?
I think part of the problem is that people see the T and think “oh INTJs have no emotions lol sociopaths” when the reality is that everybody has emotions/values/sentimentality. How that’s focused and expressed is the only real difference. For me, trying to get along well with others and feeling understood/appreciated has been a struggle. It gets better with age, but damn.
Well said. Thank you.
I just wanted to say something for the male Christian INTJs.
I am, or believe that I am, a very devout Christian and find logic and reason in all that I believe, otherwise I wouldn’t believe it. I differ from most of the Christians I know by a lot in that because I see reason and logic in it all I find it easier for it to become a greater part of my lifestyle.
I hate unwanted attention, so I do whatever I can to not cause problems with people. I think my people-pleasing side could also be because I was brought up to be respectful of people no matter who it is.
I like to feel validated and affirmed by those closest to me. If someone I don’t know says something it has little to no effect on me, but if someone close to me says something, mainly something negative, it has devastating effects on me.
I’m not very good at chess, but I’m not awful either. I play it every once in a while, but not in a dedicated manner.
It might just be because I’m a guy but I don’t really find things “cute”, it’s either disgusting or not.
Thanks for commenting! I’m totally with you on finding reason in my faith, which makes it easier to apply to my life.
I don’t like unwanted attention either, but I never connected that with the people-pleasing tendency. Maybe that’s part of my issue, too. Hmm, I’ll have to think on that a little more.
INTJ, second born in a family of 9 children, evangelical / legalistic / strict religious upbringing.
I never touch people, other than my family. I do not like physical touch and I do not like people in my space. I struggle intensely with being a people pleaser and I have a hard time knowing myself and spent most of my life struggling with intense and overbearing emotions because on top of being an INTJ, I am also a Scorpio so I feel everything and I am so over-sensitive to other people’s feelings that I often have no idea how I feel so I rely on logic to navigate – which makes social interactions horrible and awkward for me.
It’s good to see I am not the only one who differs from the typical type. I have been told so many times I “Think like a man” and attract droves of males who are the “worshippy” type because of the self-confidence they think I have, when really I have extreme anxiety in dealing with the opposite sex because I despise unwanted attention, and especially despise male attention because of the abuse I suffered in my marriage. (now divorced.) he was the exact opposite of me and a complete emotional child.
I also find myself having no religious beliefs at all – I believe everyone decides what they believe as an individual and I don’t judge but the only faith I have is in the people I love – and that because they love me, their decisions are meant well even if I don’t like them…
I don’t know, I suppose I am still sorting things out. But this was a great article because the discussion is very good and you brought up some good points,
I read somewhere else that INTJ with people pleasing symptons (i believe a conditioned behavior) tend to suffer from personality disorders and I am currently in therapy trying to figure out of I have one…. Not sure…
Thank you for your insight!
I am an INTJ who is pretty low on the “T”, so I’m assuming that’s why I tend to cry a lot during emotional movies. It’s usually more like an overflow of an emotional dam I’ve been neglecting for weeks, however, rather than a river that I tap into whenever I watch the stuff. I also struggle with people pleasing , and I wonder if this is not because I am a Christian. I think that Christianity’s set of “rules” is so heavily focused on others, so I obsess over it because I think I have to as a byproduct of my faith. I actually like rules, which is unusual for INTJ, though I also like picking them apart for their flaws and creating better ones.
I’m very good in the arts, and I love expressing myself through music. It is a double-edged sword, however, because how “good” you are at art is totally dependent on the eye of the beholder, and I don’t like that. I like things that have a concrete standard so I can know when I meet it. Nevertheless, music is the one thing that helps me really tap into my emotions, which I believe is probably healthy.
I hate strategy games… probably because I spend so much of my time “strategizing” real life. I enjoy games of chance because it’s a reprieve from what I do the rest of the time! Lol.
I also married an ISFP, so it has been a very difficult experience learning how to make the marriage work. Anyone else married a mostly-opposite person? How have you adapted?
I appreciated reading this post. Thank you for writing it. I agree with most of your INTJ variances myself. Is it a gender thing? Being female, it really bothers me that I can’t speak bluntly and have that received without offense, something that I strongly feel that if a man said it, there would be no offense at all because that is socially acceptable for males. I despise pretending in order to soothe egos who are troubled by an expressive female. Especially those for whom social roles are very enjoyable. To each her own! Playing small serves no one! But it also can make one feel a bit alienated and lonely. I also believe in God and I am a Christian, because not believing is far too depressing. I used to speak to God all the time as I grew up, as if to an imaginary friend who was always with me. I don’t like being touched except by a select few. These include my husband and children. Do not touch me if uninvited. I think sometimes my issues with touch are sensory. I always have a lot going on in my mind, and touching adds more input. Sometimes I tell everyone to give me a break from touching. This was especially often when I was nursing one of my kids. I got all touched out fairly quickly. I’m glad I found this blog. Knowing there are others who are similar to me is very validating.
This is 100% reflective of my personality… I feel you!
O my – we are practically twins ;-) I was searching for “intj female Christian” and landed on your post, and I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. The first and most important: my faith. Other than you, I didn’t grow up with a real relationship to God. I decided to follow Jesus age 33, after serious consideration and reading a lot of books, of course! I came to the conclusion that it was the only thing that made sense. As our favorite writer and intj-mate says it: Jesus is either crazy as a bed bug, or He is the Son of God. I also am a recovering people-pleaser, and I also think it’s a relict from childhood – trying to hold things together, although at my home, it was more suppressed tension than arguing and shouting. As for appreciation: I also think that every human being needs that. I’m much better at expressing my feelings in writing than speaking to a person. I’m not a great hugger, and with being touched, it’s quite extreme: if I trust you and you’re dear to me: love it. If we are not so near: hate it if you do more than I would have done :-) Chess: as I child I loved it, but somehow lost interest. Fuzzy: I looove cats – am a real cat whisperer. So that’s for me – now I’ll read the other comments to see if there are more of us. Blessings!
I believe in God. I actually consider it to be much more logical that the world was created, rather than just suddenly randomly accidentally appeared in working order. I like animals, and a few people. Lol. The thing I had trouble with on the test I took was the question about whether I make decisions by thoughts or feelings. I definitely spend a lot of time thinking before making a decision, weighing possible consequences of each, but the final decision is made based on how the consequences will make me feel, so there you have probably why it told me I’m INTJ, but close to INFJ.
I say this with no biased opinion; check out jw.org under the Bible Teachings link and actually peer into the scriptures cited. As a fellow INTJ I completely questioned everything, yet I cannot find a flaw within the scriptural reasoning. I comment here simply because I noted on another page of yours you mentioned finding a community church. I am not big on the emotional aspects of various articles (“think how you’ll feel…”) but there is clear logic cited. :-)
Oh. my. gosh. It’s like you stepped into my mind. Unbelievable. It’s nice to know that there are other people out there that think like me.
I believe in God as well. For a very long time, I just could not get why others didn’t. I open my eyes and see God all about me. It’s like it’s raining and someone saying it isn’t. You gave a very good description of why I see God they way I do. And yeah, God is a person to me. Very real and very tangible. It’s almost like trying to explain colors to someone who sees in only black and white. But knowing God, I actually understand it is a personal relationship with me. Just as he has with others.
People pleasing …if your a friend. Yeah, i want to be pleasant company. Every one else … all I can say is why do I need to please them? Although, if your on the highway trying to get over into my lane, I actually am happy as long as you use the blinker. And that wave of appreciation? That makes my day.
Appreciation, Affection, and Validation. I’m not a big hugging person. Kinda wish I was though. People need all these things and thrive when they have them. Even a INTJ.
Chess. As a kid I was good at it and liked to play. Haven’t touched it in since high school now.
Cute and fuzzy. Lol. Animals make more sense than people do most of the time. Horses, dogs, cats, etc. I like ’em. I’ve had cats and dogs and having one come and just sit by you when you are feeling bad … just yeah.
Hi there. So great to see so many intj women…since they are so very rare! I myself work in the area of missions in a somewhat charismatic organization. I felt out of place and like something was wrong with me for a long time, until i realized that I was built in a special way with a perspective on life that very few people have. I am very good with language and strategy, which, as I have grown in confidence (i too grew up in a family where my opinions were not valued and in a society that didnt get women leaders). Now, being in my thirties, finding my voice and coming into my skin, i find that i am in an area of expertise where there are few intjs. And few intj women (or women leaders in general). There is a lot of work to be done. For all of you “religious” intjs, consider moving oveseas…you have natural abilities and inclinations that the missions world needs!
A few other interesting facts:
-i came to faith after hearing and observing a youth leaders relationship with God (whom I now know to be intj)
-i really like animals as well, especially dogs, and when my dog died tragically as a kid, it was like i lost a best friend
-i hate playing chess…and risk…and any other games that require you to spend your time learning something that has no application in the real world.
-i always secretly wonder if i am an infj because i am insecure (though I know that i make my decisions based in logic and data)–i just hold my opinions in my heart ;)
-i need affirmation, but hate fluffy affirmation–it needs to be affirmation that shows me that I am the best at something (from actually winning something, not via empty “you are the best” remarks), that i am doing something that matters, that people respect me, etc.
-as far as spiritual gifts, i find myself in the apostolic and teaching areas, where i feel most comfortable, apostolic in that i am devising strategies for front line work and like to be the first to figure something out, rather than follow others, and i find that teaching is where I really shine. Its different for everyone, but imagine, there would be some overlap. A good person to read on this stuff is Robert Clinton. He is a leadership development expert out of Fuller. His work reads much like an intj, and he has a lot of really helpful stuff on spiritual gifts, developing leaders, etc, based on research of christian leaders.
I should ask my mom if she gave away my twin sister at birth. I was professionally tested as an Intj but also wondered about certain odd traits. I could almost have written this myself, if my English was good enough. Most of what you said goes for me too, except I don’t like playing Monopoly. It takes too long to finish the game. I love animals. I go aauw at the sight of cats, dogs, wild animals, and birds, especially baby birds, also human babies, though I don’t want to babysit, thank you. I’ ve done my part raising my own three sweeties. When I was younger I also had a tendency to please people, but I’ve grown out of it. I need love, respect and appreciation from hubby and the kids but don’t care about the rest much. I love hugs and even kisses, but fake it if I do not like someone. I was also raised by abusive parents and was yelled at and manipulated as a child, that’s why I needed attention and love a lot when I was younger. Also why I wanted to just keep everyone happy and I had a genuine fear for conflict. I am over it now and do not really shy away from saying what I believe needs to be said. I am also a Christian and I personally think the belief that Intjs are too rational to believe in a higher power is also but a hope of those who don’t want us to believe, because frankly, I think that the existence of God is the only thing that actually makes sense. Evolution and big bang does not. Why should a rational, intelligent research freak like me believe these theories if they have never been proven, contain loads of error and scientists don’t always believe them? Really, you and I are apparently not as non-Intj as we might think. I would really love to chat with you
I thought this was fascinating! I too am an INTJ and I too am a Christian. I too read The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe when I was eight, but the others disinterested me so I didn’t finish the series for a few years. Although, I did have a certain fondness for the Magician’s Nephew before I started the second book. I was wondering about that as well, what some of these websites were saying about INTJ’s and religion and then I can across what you have written here.
I love cats, kittens, dogs, puppies, and many more animals. My top two love languages are quality time and physical affection as well, I thought that was interesting. I am good at chess though, and I’m decent at monopoly. Overall, I fit the intj personality profile very well, but there are certain discrepancies.
At one point, I had considered the idea that perhaps there were different archetypes for souls and Myers-Briggs different personalities could be among them, if there were any others, and that is where our so-called nature comes into play. You know about the whole nurture versus nature debate, right? At the same time, in the nature versus nurture argument, I argue that both play a role in the shaping of a human being’s personality. So, theorizing that perhaps these archetypes for the soul do exist, while our souls have one of whatever number of archetypes there are, our soul is still individual and unique and has much more to it than just that archetype.
We build off of it our own likes and dislikes, for different reasons, and we experience certain things in our lives that influence certain aspects of ourselves. We define ourselves by our choices and things in life help to define us continuously because we are ever-changing, ever-growing souls that happen to have bodies. As we proceed through life, our personalities grow more complex, or simple, or what have you. We all have different souls and personalities, but perhaps the same archetype, so that would account for the discrepancies between a person and their personality test result? Hm, does that make sense?
I also wanted to say that I understand so well what you mean when you say that your religion and your beliefs make complete sense to you in your head, but when you try to explain it, it doesn’t go very well. Your faith is central in your life, you understand it, and coexist with these truths everyday, but when it comes to sharing and explaining, it just becomes difficult. I’m not good at evangelism either, but I try. Why not, after all?
Have a wonderful day!
I am so happy to find this blog, and thank you for the wonderful post.
As an INTJ, I find that I have quite a few traits that are “abnormal” for our personality type, and while at times this makes me wonder if this type truly fits me, I agree that a great deal of it is learned behavior. I know at the end of the day, I really am an INTJ.
Like you, I had to learn to be a people pleaser because of harsh parents, a harsh schooling life, and because of medical issues that already out me outside of the “normal”. I am not a very touchy-feely person, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care, and I will do or sacrifice pretty much anything for those people who are important to me. I love cute things, and some people think my interests are childish (watching kids movies, reading YA and Middle Grade books; I’m also a writer), and my actions can be so at times, as well. I’m not very cold towards people like we are “supposed” to be, which is both part of my personality and a philosophical choice (people tend to be nice back if you are nice to them, and so it causes less trouble). Most people would call me “cute”, maybe even “bubbly” at times, but anyone who knows me looks to me for my rationality, not my cuteness. However, some of this learned behavior – people pleasing, not speaking up, denying my true self – I have learned to overcome. We cannot be, or should not be, anything other than who we are, even if we must break through some walls to get there.
As far as religion, I feel very much the same way about it as you do. It fits, and it makes sense to me, though my reasoning seems odd to others. I’m also very content to not delve too deeply into the specifics – verses, theories, etc. – because they bore me, and seem less than concrete. This just shows off my INTJ way of thinking, like you mentioned: I’m not good at it, so why bother. I don’t feel that this takes away from my relationship or belief in God; he meets me on my own terms. I do have doubts every so often because of my rational mind, but I like to sum it up as my favorite author, Madeline L’Engle, did: “I really and truly believe in God with all kinds of doubts”.
But anyway, the bottom line is: INTJ or not, we are all different and unique in our circumstances and personality. I don’t think these differences make us any less – probably much more. Otherwise we would be like cookies cut from the same, INTJ-shaped cookie cutters, and that would be extremely wasteful.
Be confident with who you are! :)
It’s wonderful to “meet” another INTJ. I am blessed to have four wonderful INFJs in my life, but it’s nice to find someone else to connect with who is on the same wavelength as I am.
Are you Orthodox Christian? I see an icon in this thread that appears Orthodox. I know many Orthodox INTJs!
I am not Orthodox myself. I’m not sure about any of the other commenters.
Oh boy, can I relate to what you write :)
I am too a definite INTJ. I have been puzzled and confused by the descriptions that go around about INTJ’s as well for a long time.
If you think ‘Red’ from The Blacklist, you’ll be thinking my name. I am a “strategic monster” and I strategically plan everything. And I mean EVERY thing. When I take a cup to the kitchen, I will be planning my route and how to hold the cup best – to make sure it is done in the most effective way – and if it is strategically best for some future action that might occur :)
I never even noticed it, until I got to watch what I was doing in my head. For me that is “normal”. It’s what I do, it does not cost much energy and I somehow enjoy doing it – all the time. However, this is hardly a conscious activity, for I will always be working on far more interesting stuff consciously – strategic stuff mostly. I LOVE to be alone, and will be sucking up information 24/7 and carry out my stuff as planned.
But: I am not at all interested in chess and gaming, or science (only practical). And I love animals too so much. I often run into cats outside and you’ll often see me talking with them and connecting. Sooo F :)
I had no interest in school most of the time. If I didn’t find it interesting, I spent my time escaping. So there’s another problem: I did not like classes at all and did the minimum possible. But I did read most (non novel) books that our library had instead, starting age 12 :)
I too have developed my F. In fact I score on F (75%) as high as on N, just below T (80%). I do care a lot about what other people think and even though I have a hard time telling someone I love them, I will show it in many different ways. I write notes, will do tons of little things to express that. I am not the cuddle type, but I love to feel my partners body. I touch her a lot. It’s my way of connecting. And I will be showing my emotions as well, albeit moderately. And yes, I love compliments. I do care :)
If you would meet me, you would probably really like me, being interested and very well in communication, making you feel at ease. I would probably be funny and chat a bit with you too about small stuff.
It’s nice to have found someone else with the same problem :)
Thanks for writing!
Thank you so much for this. I think we’re standing near each other under the INTJ tent.
I am a young person. A teen boy. And recently got into personality types. And I have taken several tests and talked about it with my parents(In case they thought of an angle I didn’t). When answering the questions and reading the results.And INTJ has sounded the best. But I did notice some things that didn’t line up. For I am more caring then the normal INTJ and what not. And I am proudly christian.But I have doubted it on the bases of finding some things that didn’t line up. But things like the Big Bang reel me back in and other things. Now I am young so give me a little slack but not to much as I know you won’t. I think the reason we love animals are more caring and like at least some physical touch has to do with God.What I mean is Jesus set an example of how to live. To be all sorts of things many of which go against are general nature. But since we try to model are selfs after him we become “softer” and ultimately better. Hopefully this is understandable I am notorious for not making since on paper so I hope you were able to follow me. Plz give me some feed back.
I think you’re on the right track, Dakota. I’m a male INTJ in my mid-twenties, and I’m a much kinder person than my non-Christian INTJ peers. Someone else alluded to this in another comment, but the Holy Spirit does a good job of teaching us to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Having Him inside your head / heart is the most efficient way I know to smooth out the INTJ sharpness (not so that we’re less effective, but so that we know when and where to be direct in our communication).
Oh good, finally. All these people are talking about how female INTJs are more caring. I love it when people break the limits. I’m an INTJ, so, yah…
I believe that most of the differences you mentioned are INTJ behaviors manifested in stress. Also known as a ‘turbulent INTJ’ who manifests ‘shadow functions’. The idea is that when your natural strengths utterly fail to resolve your childhood situations, out of desperation you start trying to use your weaknesses as well.
Occasionally a parental or social influence might demand that you behave the same way as they do, this can mean you try to act like an extrovert, or a ‘feeler’, or pretend you are a sensate just to survive that childhood. And every time you are in a pinch, you instinctively fall back on those behaviors.
So perhaps you address the world with feeling every time you get frazzled. Whereas the typical INTJ interacts with the world using thought.
I’m actually very similar, except for with #4. I believe that #1 is false. I recall that most INTJs believe in a higher power (it is intuitively evident imo).
Here’s my list.
#1 I believe in God. I just don’t think He believes in me.
#2 I try to please people, exactly in the way you say it. Until I give up on trying, and then I just avoid people.
#3 I crave attention and validation. But I am heavily uncomfortable when I get it. I want warm hugs. I just stiffen up and am embarrassed if I get them.
#4 I play chess, and generally pretty well
#5 I also love all things cute and fuzzy. :D
PS: I’d be interested in hearing more about the perspective of a female INTJ. Perhaps one should write her own blog…
I AM a female INTJ. Or did you mean that *other* female INTJs should write blogs? I know there are more out there.
I enjoyed reading your post because you give a unique perspective as an INTJ christian female. I have to admit I only came here because I felt deeply discouraged about the fact that there are not many INTJ christian females. For this reason I really would love your insight and perspective on a few things. Please bare with me.
I am a Christian ENFP and Ive grown up a Christian. And when I was 18 i took my belief in God a lot more seriously on my own. I am now 25 and feel every year I’ve gotten stronger and stronger in my understanding of God, my life purpose and life work, and in my love for God and others. I’ve had many many upsetting times and confusing times, but I matured through every set back in different jobs and relationships. I’ve learnt from different churches and sought to understand different perspectives both within church and worldly understandings. I have kept an open mind but firmly believe what I feel I know deep inside me. I’ve changed some of my understanding over the years but the core is still the same. But recently I’ve been having some trouble… This is where you come in… Or where Intj women come in!
I’ve always dated Christian girls since I’ve been 18. They always ended horribly as they always broke up with me haha. I don’t want to go into too much detail other than to say that now I understand Myers Briggs (when I was 23 I did the test) and understand life more, I see why those relationships didn’t work. But here is my problem that I’ve been selfishly wanting your opinion on (I’m sorry if I’m dragging this on, this is really important to me, I understand it may not be important to you but I would appreciate your help as you have a unique insight). I met this INTJ girl but she is not a Christian, she believes that nature itself can explain everything and that natural processes created the universe. We have completely opposing world views as I beleive God created us. This has massive implications on what we beleive we should or shouldn’t do in our lives. But the crazy things is, we get along more than anyone either of us has ever met. We fit so well together mentally, emotionally, and have physical chemistry also (we have not done anything sexual just so you know, but kissing and hugging is very in sync like none of my other girlfriends). We have an amazing ability to understand each other. I often say things she is thinking and she often says things I understand to have thought before. And I’m not talking through some lovely dicey blind eyes, I am literally saying this is a freak of nature match. We have talked about God and sex openly and honestly and are deeply respectful of each other, seeking to understand each other. Other INTJ males have put me down in the past without seeking to understand but this INTJ girl is very compassionate and tries to understand, but she still can’t seem to beleive and I can kind of understand why. If you could please share your thoughts on this, how to navigate this, or anything you’d like to say I’d love to hear from you.
I know a true bible believer would not marry a non-christian having found Christ as a single person. But I feel so discourged from past christian relationships (they were full on real Christians too), the misunderstanding of ENFP’s to the general public (I also feel more mature than most other people not trying to be arrogant but it is just evident, and this is partly why the INTJ girl likes me), and I’m discouraged because I get along with this girl like no one else I know and the rareness scares me.
I feel deep inside scared that I’ll lose my purpose and my ability to contribute to the kingdom in the fullness if I go with a non christian. But she is very supportive of who I am and all my aspirations. But I know the call of God is above even human marital relationships… But it’s so rare to find an INTJ women, let alone an INTJ women that’s christian and not too weird, doesn’t have deteimental issues, etc… I feel I’m destined to be alone, as INTJ is my ideal match and I feel I know this from experience (other temperaments don’t understand me like the INTJ)
Sorry for talking to much. As an NF temperament I’ve got a lot to bring to the table but I just wanted to ask for your advice and any other thoughts no matter how long they are on this issue or anything relating to this issue?
Lots of love!
In my experience, 99 times out of 10 when someone asks me for my input, they ignore it, so I’m not very willing to opine, esp. since I don’t know you except what you chose to share. That being said, I will speak on a few things.
I absolutely don’t approve of a Christian dating a non-Christian. People who choose to disobey God basically say that they hold their own desires above their Creator and Savior. This is not just about following rules and “well the Bible says not to, so better not.” It’s about making God, and one’s relationship with God, a priority. It’s about putting Him and His word above all other things and relationships, and obeying Him because we trust that He knows what He’s doing better than we do. It’s about protecting ourselves and our spiritual lives from unnecessary difficulties that WILL arise. I have never dated a non-Christian, but I have been best friends with one, and as I have grown in my faith, that relationship has been ever more difficult because there is a huge, vital part of my life that she cannot fully share or understand. I can’t imagine experiencing that in an even more intimate relationship. And if you date someone in the hopes of bringing them to Christ, that’s known as “missionary dating” and is notoriously ineffective.
I’m sure there are plenty of things you two have in common and that “work” between you, but it sounds like you’re still in the warm-and-fuzzy early “honeymoon” stages of the relationship where you’re experiencing a storm of emotions that is making everything feel awesome and like that awesomeness could never possibly end. But feelings simply don’t last. There has to be more for a relationship to stand on.
I’ve had bad experiences with Christian guys, but that shouldn’t tarnish every Christian guy for the rest of my life. I can’t speak for your experience with Christian women, but I know that they all shouldn’t be held responsible for your choices. There are so many good, honest, loving, smart Christian women out there (INTJ, ENTP, ISFJ, you name it) hoping for the right guy, and a lot of them are really discouraged because they’re afraid they won’t ever meet him. And that’s probably because he went for the non-Christian woman who makes him feel all warm and fuzzy.
Thank you for your reply. I feel really bad, but I guess I have to end seeing her. I am good at taking advice, especially if I respect someone. Sometimes I need advice because I just get confused and go off track. But I want to do the right thing so badly. That’s why I’ve never had sex. And this girl wants to have sex, but I just can’t. I need to get away from her despite my attraction. I think I just feel bad because my last girlfriend was a christian and she treated me so horrible and used things against me and I felt so hurt. and I don’t know sorry, you don’t care about me… I should just leave you alone. Thanks for responding. all the best with life.
I’m sorry that you’ve experienced so much hurt in the past, and that life throws so many difficult decisions at us. I pray God gives you direction, wisdom, peace, and affirmation in those decisions.
Thank you, I actually didn’t realize that you were female until reading some more of your posts. It just didn’t at all come out in your writing style. I’ve never met a female INTJ to my knowledge, so I suppose I wouldn’t know what to expect. You’re definitely a very rare breed.
Secret for now:
I would not put too much stock in the ENFP/INTJ mold. I’ve known lots of ENFPs to be attracted to me as well, and while I’ve dated some, it’s never worked out either. I don’t believe that ENFP is the right match.
If you investigate Socionics instead, you’ll find that INTJ (LII) is actually better suited for ESFJ (ESE). Socionics maintains that ENFP is a supervisee under INTJ, and this has been my experience. They crave intellectual validation, yes, but as the stronger cousin in that realm we’re always in charge – always guiding and correcting their thinking. We dismiss their social chops out of hand, because we don’t value them. It’s an unequal relationship.
Socionics suggests that ESFJ is the duality match for INTJ. And this has been my experience as well, as I had the opportunity to begin that path in an unfortunately doomed romance. It’s really difficult to describe, but I feel that if I spent the rest of my life waiting for another one at the expense of all others, it would be 100% worth it all. You should investigate. There’s some very good descriptions out there as to why these relationships work so incredibly well. They actually find our poor social graces to be charming, to begin with.
You are right though… there is probably an amazing Christian girl out there wanting the will of God… and im just fooling around with someone opposed to God’s will and my own will.
and even if there is no one out there… I should still stand doing what is right alone. After all i’ll die eventually, and eternal decisions are more important than temporary decisions. I’ve just been a fool as of late, and blinded.
Great blog, girl. I’m a female INTJ, and a Christian. I also like warm hugs, but pretty much only from my husband, children, and parents.
I don’t like cute animals, though. I’m really only able to appreciate animals at all because the God I worship made them and called them good. He knows a lot more about it than I, so I’m trying to understand. But one thing I don’t know if I’ll ever understand: Why do people want to have dogs in their houses? And why would those people ever think it smart to bring those dogs into MY house?
How not to make an INTJ hate you: don’t make them deal with your beloved dog.
Thanks! Yeah, I “get” the idea of dogs more than I used to, but I’ve always been a cat person (though allergic to both).
My view of dogs is pretty much my view of children and most people in general: I like them if they’re smart, well-behaved, not too loud, and not out of control.
Even i heard about some INTJs believing in GOD and the first thought that crossed my mind was that they certainly are not INTJ.
but reading this article and the comments of the people in this has made me to scrutinize my very idea of the definition of an INTJ.
I am a TRUE atheist and one of the many ideas in my head to disapprove the concept of god.., but really, from a logical perspective, its absurd to believe in an entity that we have never seen.
And yeah!! i can totally relate to the point about ” People Pleasing” , so overall… Good Job :)
I too am an INTJ through and through. And yet, I have this seemingly innate fear of pissing people off. I take every precaution to make people like me, until I hit the core of who I am. I’ve always wondered if my heart or brain was broken, because they didn’t match. Now, that I know I’m an INTJ at heart, I’m just trying to get my brain over the fear that people won’t like me and that’s okay. I blame my father for making fear people who might yell at me, but in the end I’m the one who has to learn, overcome, and even someday enjoy pissing people off …for the right reasons, of course…BTW, I’ve been a Christian since Middle School. God and I aren’t tight, but like all of my friends, we have long distance relationship…we both know where there and will help in a time of need. It just doesn’t look like we love each other. :-)
I am an INFP and I’m so happy to read that many INTJs are Christians. Yay! =) I thought that it would be rare to see an INTJ Christian.
Although I am INFP, I love reading articles/stuff which show evidence for Christianity in SCIENCE as well as HISTORY (which is probably an INTJ thing to do?). God bless you all INTJ Christians. Just keep on doing what you do. =) Love you all. (I’m so INFP with the last statement..haha)
I love this! I also found it interesting when they said INTJs were less likely to be religeous.. Because in my mind, my faith actually makes LOGICAL sense. I am also a Christian INTJ and it was wonderful reading this post and seeing you say it so openly. I can really relate to that.
I can also relate to the “cute and fuzzy” and “people pleasing” one.
Thank you so much for this post! It was entertaining and definitely an encouragement
I’m an INTJ myself and even though (as you may put it) I’m a “good little INTJ” who’s an Atheist, I disagree that being a religious INTJ is somehow abnormal. Our tertiary function Fi can easily be molded from our religious beliefs and absolutely can play in role in our Ni evaluation of our world. Where I might agree with the sentiment though is that I have a VERY hard time imagining an INTJ fundamentalist or religious presuppositionalist. The main reason for that we have Auxiliary Te, which is externally focused, so it’s important for us that what we think is in harmony with the world around us. Thus if I ran into someone who claimed the world was 6,000 years old, etc in spite of all the evidence to the contrary because “holy book XYZ said so” and claimed to be an INTJ I would tell them I think they’re most likely mis-typed or unhealthily stuck in the “Ni-Fi” loop.
As for myself, I was raised Christian and believed until about 16, after which I had accumulated evidence that led me to reject my previous religious beliefs (Fi) in favor of a model that was more consistent with my SUBJECTIVE interpretation of reality (Te). I emphasize “subjective” because I am not claiming that my interpretation is right or objective, etc which is why I have no problem thinking of INTJs being religious if their subjective experiences, etc are different than mine.
Of course INTJs love animals. They don’t lie to us, they don’t chit chat and they never seem to remember that time we got upset at them when they pushed that glass off the counter and we swatted them in the butt and yelled at them. They love us anyway. Our main concern is how different we react to humans and animals.
If a we see a story on the news about a human that was killed we get upset at the system that allowed it to happen, but don’t really feel that bad about the person. However, when we watch those ASPCA commercials with the shivering, homeless pets we cry first then plan how we would make the humans responsible for their suffering pay in the most horrible ways imaginable, right after we adopted all the poor homeless animals. Our plans are detailed, creative and extremely just.
As an INTJ woman I’m concerned about how little I care about people. Which is probably why most of us don’t make very good Christians and is exactly why I’m not a Buddhist. I do however find that Pagan religions are a good fit. Having a pantheon of gods allows me to choose the divine that more closely resembles me. My favorite being the goddess Nemesis.
I would also like to add to the ever growing pet peeve list how much it frustrates me that my iPad/iPhone always has these word suggestions as I’m typing and they never seem to help because my grammar, spelling and sentence structure are far beyond what is considered average. But on the plus side, it always makes me feel smart.
THIS!!! I have a reply coming later based off the original post, but you hit the nail on the head regarding animals and religion!
Male INTJ, 25, strong Christian, with a lot of controversial theological views. (Not controversial in terms of marginalizing the Bible, but controversial because many things that are taught in many churches are very often inconsistent with scripture — with some individual verses, but especially with the big picture.) Also, church politics and workplace politics are stupid beyond measure. One aspect of heaven to which I look forward is that people won’t have selfish motives and manipulative, time-wasting, energy-draining ways of fulfilling said motives.
I’ve taken a few different personality tests over the years; definitely an INTJ, though the J’s a bit weaker (maybe 50%, as opposed to the 80-90%’s for INT). That’s probably due to lifelong pressure to conform to people around me. I’m simply incapable of conforming — I am who I am, even if I don’t fully know who that is yet — so I learned to adapt (P) to different people / situations by concealing or tempering various parts of myself in order to keep the peace (or in order to not overwhelm people).
I don’t mind other people’s pets, so long as they’re clean and relatively quiet, but I’m not much of an animal person. Love chess and other strategy / video / computer games, but most of them are ways to veg out; strategy is almost a mindless activity if it’s just identifying a limited number of patterns. Most INTJ descriptions apply to me; I have plenty of facial expressions, but they all look exactly the same to everyone else. Ignorant people — especially those who are willfully, uncaringly ignorant — are bothersome. (In my head, I said they’re “a scourge on humanity” — but I want my words to be edifying, not merely descriptive. This happens a lot.) Sorting through my feelings is a learned skill, since I don’t respect most people enough to entrust with my honest thoughts / emotions; it took many years and much frustration, and a good dose of the Holy Spirit, to start healthily developing the Fi.
I also have a tough time with evangelism. I don’t know how (and don’t really want to) relate to a person who has no desire to know God better. (Side note: why are there so many Christians who seem content to stay immature / carnal? How can we motivate them to wake up to life in the Spirit? It’s seriously like the Matrix.) Factor in the usual INTJ dislike of small talk, and it becomes rare to share my knowledge / passion with anyone who’s not already on the same page — unless you count theologizing on Facebook.
Lately I’ve been doing LOTS of study about personality types, and also heard that INTJs are the most atheistic type (which wasn’t terribly surprising). During this study, I’ve been developing an interesting thought that fellow Christian INTJs might appreciate:
Belief in God may be illogical – but it is not irrational.
Logic suggests strict adherence to what is “known” (provable), whereas rationality encompasses what is plausible. Logic requires proof; rationality requires due process of thought. (That’s why NTs are called “rationals.” Seems to me that “logical” is more of an ST trait.) Point being: all logic is rational, but not all rationality is necessarily logical. So when an atheist / agnostic — INTJ or otherwise — supports their disbelief by reason of faith being illogical, they’ve simply limited themselves to a singular facet of rationality. It doesn’t make us any less INTJ to believe in God; just means we’re playing in a bigger sandbox than those who are strictly “logical.”
Though, God is perfectly logical… to someone with spiritual understanding. The only real problem with logic is that — in order to be perfectly logical — you must have ALL available information. Since unbelievers don’t wish to open their hearts to God, they don’t have the Holy Spirit enlightening them (and therefore aren’t playing with a full deck, as it were.)
Afterthought: I should probably mention that I enjoyed your post (well-written, encouraging, etc.), and it was cool to see so many Christian INTJs in one place.
No personality type exactly describes someone. If there were, there would be more than 7 billion personality types (not including the ones in multi personality disorder).
I don’t believe in a personal god/ess. Neither do I believe that God has a gender. Outside of space and time. I am an INTJ who believes in God.
All I can say after reading this is, wow! It describes me from start to finish, and I have been told by a certified MBTI specialist and another psychiatrist that I am absolutely INTJ. I think part of the issue is that people read the “Cliff Notes” versions of the archetypal MBTI types, and then stereotype. Most people are unaware of the concept of cognitive functions, especially the tertiary and quaternary ones, and I’ve seen so many INTJ blogs where the most stinging retort flung around is “Ooooh, you’re so emotional, are you sure you’re not mistyped?” This makes me laugh and also makes me feel a little sorry for the people who think being INTJ means being a soulless, uber-logical sociopath with Asperger’s syndrome!
As an INTJ with a strong Fi who also goes all gooey with fuzzy critters (I’m a crazy cat lady), who is a Believer, and cringes at the thought of being disapproved of or yelled at, and who bends myself into pretzel shapes trying to accommodate everyone, I understand! I also have a strong background in the arts ( I’m a somewhat lapsed violinist); have a strong interest in psychology, and try to understand the “why” of everyone; and often have insights into Scripture that I am reluctant to share-although I probably couldn’t explain them well, anyway. Some of these have to do with animals and why the Creation happened as it did; others have to do with the roles of men and women; the list goes on. Additionally, I can’t get into chess much, although when my ISTJ husband taught me to play, I beat him on the first game (MWA-ha-ha-haaaa!!!)!
Personally, I love not fitting the stereotypes!!!!
Thank you for chiming in, Jennifer! I’m always so pleased when my blog connects me with other Believers, INTJs, and/or animal lovers.
I’d love to hear your insights into animals. I’m nibbling on the edge of understanding, but I’ve not gotten to it yet.
I am also a female Christian INTJ (and having read your other posts would also like to give a Libertarian shout out too)! I am an accessories designer who got a BFA in Fashion Design (try going to art school as an INTJ, oofta!). I am a middle child, and my older brother is also an INTJ. One of my friends tells me I have the most dichotomous personality he has ever met, but it all makes total sense to me. =)
I am a “typical” INTJ in that physical affection from most people is completely unwanted. I feel only awkwardness when I hug people who aren’t in my “inner circle”. However, I have a passion for puppies, so puppy snuggles are all right.
I also do not enjoy chess (for the very reason you do not like it). I also find that long games bring me into the “bored” stage, and then I absolutely do not care who wins because I want the torture to be over. Anddd don’t get me started on the agony that is Apples to Apples (or as I call it, “the stupid people game”)! When a game requires no strategy, skill, or brain power it is no longer a game.
I do find that there are things I do that are definitely the product of living in society, such as asking peoples names, being polite, and small talk. These make me incredibly tired and I frankly care less. In fact, I rarely can remember people’s names. I don’t understand the importance of remembering names of people I don’t care about. However, I have to make a point of it in my job (it is just bad for business to say, “What is your name again?”). I sometimes have a hard time aligning this part of my personality with my faith. I want to genuinely care about all the people I meet, but I really don’t.
And probably the most bizarre INTJ thing I do is have a “friendship talk” with people. Once I decided I find someone interesting, several months into the relationship I will say, “So, I really like you as a friend, but I want you to know that you are not in any way obligated to spend time with me or be my friend if you don’t want to. It will not hurt my feelings if this isn’t a friendship you want, I don’t want you to be my friend because you feel in any way obligated. However, if we keep doing things then I’m just going to continue on assuming you want to be my friend too.” To which the said friend will stare at me in shock. =P
Thank you for letting me rant my INTJness. It is refreshing to read that there are other women out there who have similar strengths and weaknesses.
Oh man, thank you for stopping by. Let’s be best friends.
This is a brilliant article. I am 23 (older child of two since everyone else is mentioning this kind of thing), and I have just recently discovered that I am an INTJ. The experience is quite liberating, and it is certainly an eye-opening experience. It also makes sense why close friends describe me as a Sherlock Holmes/Broadway star crossover. I am learning so much about myself, and I love digging in and learning new things about this. As an INTJ, what could be better than being an knowledge expert on who one is? I also love your input on being a Christian INTJ. I grew up in a Christian home, and as early as 7 years old I started asking questions about God and faith and all that stuff. Even in retrospect that goes that far back, I can see how I am an INTJ.
Anyway, I too have realized every time I experience God in my own way that left no other alternative explanation, everything else just doesn’t seem to make sense. My faith makes sense in my head, and I can think of beautifully eloquent and perfect explanations for my faith. And when I open my mouth to try to explain, something goes wrong between my brain and my mouth. So, I understand from where you are coming on that stance. I feel better knowing I am not the only one who has dealt with this part of life.
I struggle with the emotions aspect of life though. I can be emotional if the situation deeply impacts me, but if the situation has nothing to do with me then one will not find the emotional reaction he or she may be looking for. I don’t cry like ever (unless I’m rocked to the core), and sometimes my lack of emotional expression gains some dirty looks. I also hate small talk. Good juicy gossip I can handle, but small talk and social conventions similar to it drive me up the wall.
I also understand the “we know what we know and we know what we don’t know” thing. I’ve been reading some of your other articles. Whatever I know, I’m definitely good at it, and what I don’t know: “I don’t know, and I don’t like not knowing.” (As Sherlock said. I love that show. He’s like my spirit animal or whatever people say like that. In other words, I get him.) To me it seems like I suffer from a strange combination of superiority/inferiority complex. Basically, I simultaneously think I am better than people on what I know, but I never feel like I’m good enough. It is a terrible struggle honestly; self confidence in general is an issue. Every time I do “show off” if you will, I usually get called arrogant or something like that which only pushes my confidence further down, so I understand from where that problem stems. I just need to figure out how to fix it.
Anyway, I guess after all my rambling, what I really want to say is thank you for sharing. For someone like me who is starting to finally understand her personality, posts like these are helpful in my own research. So, from one INTJ to another: thanks.
You’re so welcome! I’m glad people have found these posts helpful. It’s amazing to learn more about yourself and realize “Hey, this thing about me…is okay!”
Hi! I have recently discovered that my MBTI type may be INTJ. I relate to #1-4 in your post. I am married to an I/ENFP who has helped me (over the years) to understand who I am.
I recently heard this on a Christian radio station: “God loves us knowing those things deep inside of us, that we don’t even know about, that make us behave in ways that we don’t understand.”
I love learning and enjoyed learning more about the 5% who don’t exactly fit the mold.
*gasp* I feel like I may have written this. I identify with all of this. Though, my squee level with animals has dramatically declined as I have had children – all small, cute things immediately bring to mind the amount of work it takes to nurture them, and I feel a little tired. ;)
This is really interesting- thanks for sharing. I am also a Christian INTJ and I have also wondered whether I am an INFJ because I have developed my feeling side quite substantially. I think it’s because as a woman, I have been socially conditioned to develop my feeling side and because I have been brought up in a Christian home where there has been an emphasis on kindness and Christian values. It’s interesting to hear you all talk about affirmation. I am actually a very encouraging person and there is almost nothing I love more than encouraging people though these are both true and specific. I am interested in how you all find being a Christian as an INTJ? I feel like the church is made up of very few INTJ’s- certainly I’ve never met one and what practices you find useful?
I’m a Christian INTJ as well and all of these are pretty accurate for me as well.
I feel like the religion thing is huge. If my Creator looks after us as His main job, then I’d best get on board with the real program. People are hard for me. But I am expected to get it, and so I work on it. That makes me act and feel against type. Rather then play to my expected strengths or just give up on the….I mean, everyone seems weird to me…..people around me, I have a “people management” job. Dealing with people makes me feel like everyone is playing checkers, except me who is playing checkers AND surfing at the same time. But, yeah, I think the better descriptor of me is not INTJ, but analytical thinker. And I think that’s almost entirely due to religion.
Yes! This feels very me. When I was 14, I was typed as an INFJ, but then I fell into a depression due to parental expectations and a whole multitude of other problems, when I got out of the sink, 2 years later I was typed as an INTJ.
Admittedly, back then, INFJ was very me. Now, INTJ is very me, but I always feel like somewhere somehow there’s still that F-iness that still exists somewhere. Observations wise, yes, I’m very agreeable to people who I know I have to agree and please (ie parents), but when I do so, I’m always unhappy because I feel like I’m doing this because I have to and they don’t care how I feel (which feels true 99% of the time). I’m also extremely affectionate around close friends, and despite the general description of INTJs being terrible at feelings or emotions, I’m quite comfortable around it and giving it to people who deserve it. And lastly, yes. Animals are <3. My close friends also know that I meow a lot. :3
Although I think my INFJ does manifest sometimes. I had a friend who used to treat me terribly because I didn't provide her the same sort of emotional validation she wanted – ie, she would victimize herself and expect me to side with her even though facts point to other side being victim; or she would spend 99% of the time talking about what videos she watched on youtube the day before (and therefore not finish her coursework, then lying about it.) – being an INTJ, I honestly feel like if something is beneath me or not worth my energy that my mental faculties have to spend on, I will be very meh about it. Being someone who has had everyone bow to her every whim for the previous 17 years, she found my frankness too unpalatable. She treated me terribly, and strangely enough, I felt terrible and forgave her multiple times, going so far as to wonder where did I go wrong and how I can fix myself. In retrospect, I associate it with my INFJ-ness.
That being said, now said person hates me (for whatever reason, I wonder, for I have done nothing, except that I am in a wonderful relationship with and INTJ, going to university on an unbonded scholarship overseas, very very happy; I have left her alone), and her ex told me that she insults me all the time (she also unfriended me from fb thinking I wouldn't notice.)
So, perhaps this is very INFJ of me, I don't really care anymore. I feel sorry for her, if anything. Because she has to live with that sort of unhappiness and anger and jealousy, and that can turn into madness if left unchecked. I forgive her. Although I have to admit that I do occassionally try to make her feel as awkward as possible *ahem* by being incredibly nice and acting dumb around her…and readding her on facebook. Not because I'm vengeful. But because I can. ^^
I’m glad I stumbled over your blog. I’m a female INTJ living in a highly religious and sentimental nation (wherein celebrity love teams are the In Thing and religious sects have top political influence). Growing up, I was accused of being black-and-white in my opinions, unemotional, and uncaring. So I tried to develop my empathy and learned to hang out with F people to pick up a few tips from them on how to read and understand emotions.
Most of the stereotypes apply to me except for the following:
1) I like watching mushy rom-coms, but under the following conditions: that they are well-written and at least 50% realistic (I like Nora Ephron and Antoinette Jadaone), the cinematography, set and costume design is well-planned and executed (like Goong/Princess Hours), the guy and the girl often engage in intelligent, witty banter, and lastly, that they get together only at the end of the series/movie.
2) I don’t have anything planned in my life yet. They say the average INTJ already has a plan 30 years ahead of his/her life. I don’t, and I dislike how I’m still confused. Quarterlife crisis.
3) Animals are my thing. They love unconditionally, they don’t push you to be more open or to attend more parties, and they’re cute!
4) I try to be charming from time to time, when the situation asks for it. My nation lives on everyday niceness – it lubricates all transactions, from borrowing your co-worker’s stapler to huge project biddings. Winning negotiations based on facts and logic isn’t natural in my country, being that the heart, for us, is more important than the mind. But our economic progress is quickly changing that, as our international traders are forcing us to be more organized and logical in business.
Im an INTJ and I do believe in higher power and in fact I believe in a religion. I studied it to great extent. It is very logical and rational when you try have a perspective. I agree that in it are many things we and/or science yet not understand or even grasp its but that I think it is enough to convince anyone with correct knowledge and perspective.
I am another female INTJ who has a few of the non-INTJ traits if you look at them literally. However, I believe if you look at the reasons why one has certain traits it still fits the personality type. Super long point by point reply, but based on other replies here which have been going on for nearly a year and a half, some won’t mind reading through this, everyone else can skip it, don’t worry, you won’t hurt my feelings
1.Faith: Like you, I am Christian, Catholic more specifically, and went to Catholic schools through my first two years of college. However, I don’t see a disconnect between faith and personality type. Although I certainly cannot logically explain the existence of a higher power I also cannot disprove the existence. I feel INTJs definitely discard opinions which have been disproven but in general will stay open-minded to other theories because we tend to want to know more about various topics than the rest of society. I certainly do not take the Bible literally and even in my Catholic schools we had Religion classes and Science classes, none of this “intelligent design” B.S. or a belief that Adam and Eve hung out with dinosaurs or whatever those who take their faith to the extreme might believe. I am also very open to all kinds of religious faiths, hoping the best facets of all will shine through the posers who treat religion as a false flag for their destructive beliefs and actions when it comes to living in a civilized world.
2.People-pleasing: I also do want to please people. SOME people SOME of the time. If I respect someone, I want them to be happy with me either as a friend/family member or as a co-worker/boss/employee. If I do not respect the person, I don’t much care what they think of me (as long as they realize I am probably smarter than he or she :) Again, not atypical of an INTJ.
3.Appreciation, Affection, Validation: I also crave receiving appreciation/validation from people I respect. Complimenting an INTJ on their abilities can motivate him/her to do more. An insincere or generic validation is an insult. My boss, who I hate, sent me an atta-boy email for something I did, but I knew coming from him it was insincere and forced and I have zero respect for him as a person or a supervisor so it was garbage. Emails I have received from respected bosses/co-workers I keep in a file and reflect on when I am feeling insignificant or unappreciated.
4.Chess: I learned the basics of how to play as a child, but I am not a huge fan. I am not great at it nor interested in learning enough to be great at it, therefore, it is not fun. Pretty typical INTJ behavior, I think.
5.Cute and Fuzzy: I LOVE animals; much more so than humans. I often feel I have a deep connection to them. My dog is my family (OK, my husband too) and everyone knows it. Children do not so much capture my interest. I do not dislike my family and friends’ children, but endless stories and pictures of them drain me. Please do not live vicariously through your children, have your own life too.
One other aspect I would like to touch on based on others’ comments is the topic of school. INTJs love to learn and read and I definitely fit that category, but I, too, can have a difficult time in formal schooling. Again, I do not necessarily think that is counter to the INTJ personality if you look at the reasons why. If I love the subject and find it relevant I will excel. If I find the subject irrelevant or the teacher unqualified to teach the subject I struggle…a lot. This is because I cannot just conform to the norms of having to suck up to a crappy teacher/ take an idiotic class (or in a normal person’s view, follow the instructor’s guidelines or take a mandatory class to fulfill degree requirements). I have dropped out of two colleges with no bachelor’s degree even though I was told I was smarter than half of the other students at the first college I attended (a private Jesuit university). The turbulent part of my personality reigned supreme at that time, but two decades later I could probably make myself get through the last few classes needed if I had the time/money and knew the degree would advance my career (which at this time it will not). This does strongly align with the typical INTJ trait of not accepting rank and titles blindly and following the rules “just because.”
I just recently found the MBTI and other similar tests. I regularly test as an INTJ and have been struggling with exactly this. I have been doing extensive research into the INTJ personality type (if I’m going to claim a personality type, I want it to be accurate) and this article has been invaluable. You’ve outlined just about every inconsistency I have as INTJ (with the exception of Chess, I love that game). Thank you.
You’re welcome! Glad to help.
Beautifully written. I can relate to every word. Thank you!
I can heavily related to all of these points, but as a male. I have struggled with my faith as an INTJ (apparently I have slight to no preference of introvert over extrovert) but God continually brings me back to Him – evidence for me that He does not give up on us and runs after His children.
I also could care less about chess – when it comes to Mario Kart Double Dash, I WILL DESTROY YOU.
I also people please and need validation. These things could have come up from parental rearing. But I think we’re not stereotypical INTJ’s because the Holy Spirit works in us. In all of my sections (I, N, T, J) I was slight or no preference for it over its counterpart (I vs. E, N vs. S, etc.) but my thinking function was the only moderate preference. So, all in all, I think God works with our personalities to both utilize our strengths, and to morph our weaknesses into their respective strengths through patience, mercy, love, and grace.
Hope this helps.
I was searching about Christians -INTJs and I found it. Very good!
My parents are Christians but I just “converted” last year(sorry if I make gramatical mistakes, English is not my first language). So, God is wonderful and it was impossible even for my parents to believe that one day I would believe in Him.
I read the Bible for the first time because I wanted knowledge(and to argue with my parents), but I started questioning God about what I was reading and for my surprise He answered all of them in a miracle way, so I could not doubt anymore.
The problem is that I hate to interact with others and I judge people a lot(and the Holy Spirit shows me it’s not in this way, so I think again).
It’s hard to tell the cold truth to people I love and I love animals. I think hugs are disgusting, so I don’t hug, I just shake hands.
I’m 20, so my family sometimes asks “where is your boyfriend?” and I don’t like romantic relationships because it doesn’t make sense in my head, and I feel sad sometimes when I see the girls around me are very different. But I’m pride to say I’m more intelligent(haha). I love Israel and politics, and I defend it no matter who’s’ against(even people I love).
I wrote a lot and probably you’ll not reply because this post was written long time ago, but no problem.
Thank you for commenting, Jennifer! It’s amazing how God responds to our questions and gives us the answers we need.
I can relate to all of these, as a fellow Christian female INTJ. I would say more but you said it all already, and I’m late and it’s tired, or something like that.
Wow, this is like reading about me! And, yeah, Lewis was a huge relief from what I considered feather comforter religion. I assume my own more “human” side came from being born in a big family (middle child of seven). At the very least, I learned not to voice all those condemnations of everyone that were in my head. I also love cuddly animals but at the same time feel a little embarrassed about it. And I have been a massively physically demonstrative mother. I loved, loved, loved all those snuggles and cuddles and kisses when they were little. But I hate being touched by people I’m not close to.
I also think that female INTJs are more likely to develop emotionally because there is so much less stigma for a woman in having and expressing emotions; it is both permissible and expected that females, INTJ or otherwise, have them. For an INTJ who’s female, that’s likely to meet a “Challenge Accepted – I’ll see your emotions and raise you a cold, rational thought process WITH emotions!” I think there is still a major stigma on male emotions, and a very little emotion in a male carries the label of being “irrational”. So for an INTJ who’s male, it’s ” Exactly , moving on, next problem “. Which is obviously over-simplified, but it’s meant as a generalization.
BTW, I loathe chess – by the time my opponent makes their move, I’ve planned the next month’s menu, sorted out my chore list, pondered the nature of time, examined childhood memories, had an exciting spy daydream… But I think it would be more fun if there were explosions.
I am rather new to this INTJ personality thing. Yet, I am very impressed and I know im not an INTJ woman, but I admire your strengths and foresight. When I read about intj women. They described them as very strong and very independent women who like to learn learn learn to add to their already smart Minds. It does seem like they are unstoppable. I have ran into women like that I believe Maybe they weren’t intj but they were very Stern not very friendly it was mostly in the workplace. I wish I can be like that I know I’m a very bubbly person and I’m not very into reading but now I want to be a reader to learn more. I want to be a strong woman. And reading your post makes me feel so much better about my personality. I was told that you can’t be friendly and bubbly if you’re going to be an intj. And you’re a Christian which is also what I am. I was also told they don’t look at Christianity as a logical thing. I’m very intrigued and I wish I could learn more I want to change my personality to better myself. I want to look for self improvement I want to think logically. I want to gain the strength and the attitude to help me come off as a strong woman but also a stronger independent woman. Again I am very impressed and it’s good to know that all intj women are not the same. However they are rare and it’s a burning desire for me become one as long as I can keep my Christianity. I know this is a learned behavior from childhood but I still want to learn how to transfer to this type of personality. Is it possible or will I keep the same personality Ive been born with? I want to be respected I want to be able to solve problems by thinking logically. I also want to be more in control when it comes to men. I don’t want a man thinking that I need him. I’ve made plenty mistakes being needy all because I just wanted to see how good of a woman I am but it just backfires. Men like to chase and I want to be back in control. I wish I could speak with you or someone thats an intj. However I would feel comfortable speaking with you because you’re a Christian. And I’m glad that you confess that Jesus Christ is our savior. That’s really the most important thing of all. Not just how we carry ourselves or how we associate with others. Thank you again this was wonderful and I love animals. I read about intjs and I automatically said well I’m not going to be able to be one. Then I read your post and maybe it’s possible for me. I don’t know but what do you think? Nice to meet you
Wow…I relate to you in every single thing you’ve posted. I tested 3 times as an intj female & I’ve always matched w/ every assessment except for 2 things in intj females: 1) we aren’t likely to believe in God and 2) we are basically science enthusiast & physical-thinking (as far as the eye meets),ignoring our spiritual side. 1)… I was brought up in a Christian family & began to doubt my faith b/c the things of this world conflicted w/ my experiences at Church, but it wasn’t until I picked up the Bible & started reading it for myself that I realize why the world is the way it is. I believe that many ppl (not just intj personalities) doubt that there is a God & Jesus Christ is savior b/c many Churches focus on their own rules & religion instead of the true word of God & also b/c some ppl can’t accept that there is an all-knowing God that is greater than what we as humans can comprehend. 2)…I’ve never had an interest in any type or form of science as a personal interest b/c most forms have never made sense to me. I find that some forms of scientific studies only lead to questions that lead to many more questions that are a waste of time trying to figure out b/c it leads us right back to the word of God. I have always been a business-minded individual. On top of that, I’ve always found myself to be very in touch w/ my spiritual self, more than my physical being. It’s great to see soo many intj females coming together to show how our similarities actually make us different & unique. Thanks for this article!
I’m 21, INTJ female. I fit the “stereotype” in many ways: I’m about to graduate with a degree in science, so :)… But your article was SO relatable and great to read.
I think it’s my childhood experiences, just like yours, that have almost entirely changed some of the expected stereotypes within me.
I feel emotions so strongly that I sometimes question being INFJ. But I find it VERY difficult to express emotions to the outside world..
I’m fascinated by spirituality, I believe in God without a doubt in my mind (just the way you explained, it makes sense to YOU). Not believing in God actually seems illogical to me, but I’ll never impose this on anyone.
And I love cats. Meow :)
I cannot express how much I related to your article. I fit most of the stereotypes but have many of your same exceptions. I am a theology nut, science geek, nature nerd, have a fatal attraction to cuteness and find myself very driven with complicated projects that interest me. The few exceptions I might display are that I am not a book genius (memorizing mass info is difficult for me), I don’t test well and I am a terrible speller but I think I may have lost a slight ability to translate sounds to symbols after a bad case of mono…but I clearly have over-analyzed the issued! I hate chess because I get bored but I mostly enjoyed video games growing up because I didn’t need to wait on anyone.
Not only am I a Christian, I am a Spirit-filled Pentecostal and seek out more and more of the Glory God has to offer daily. My greatest frustration is with other Christians who know the basics of what they believe but struggle to be amazed by the glory and impossible details the scriptures have to offer. C.S. Lewis consoles me in this way because he saw far more than most realize. It wasn’t until my mid 20’s that I became painfully aware what behaviors people found offensive. It took looking back into my childhood and pin pointing episodes of rejection to develop the desire for me to hold my tongue. The Holy Spirit is the gentlest of teachers and that is what has helped me develop emotionally.
I can also be fairly impetuous for an INTJ. I might be able to credit this to living in the Northwest and getting bad cabin fever by mid spring. I spend a lot of time thinking about what exciting things I am going to do once the weather gets better.
I am a goldsmith by profession and this type of work harnesses both problem solving and artistic abilities. I wanted to be an artist when I was young but realized by high school that despite my generous hand eye coordination, I lacked the poetic vision that many visual artist speak through. I love the arts and the more clever the experience, the more I adore it.
I just learned that I am an INTJ so you can bet I will do nothing but explore the matter for the next month. Discovering how unique this makes me and that there are other females like me has me completely jazzed right now. I want to know how being an INTJ female has influenced your dating relationships and what male personalities do you best get along with. I am very picky about men so I don’t really date. Not to mention finding a match that also shares my faith is even tougher.
Thank you again for sharing these insights about yourself. God is using you in a truly unique way. It has blessed me and the timing of this personal discovery couldn’t be more divine!
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